The room was humid and sticky. It was the height of summer. Frank refused to get the aircon fixed but was able to recently buy himself another Gucci shirt. Julie was cleaning the kitchen cabinets as Frank had spilt ketchup all over them after getting over excited for his Jimmy Jacks takeaway to arrive the night before. “Remember to defrost those sausages! The boys are coming over for the game later!” Frank worked in waste management and imported coke as a side hustle. Julie recently married Frank but was repulsed by him. Frank looked like a pink Jabba the Hutt squeezed into a tacky suit. Julie had previously worked in a care home but was fired for fraternising with one of the male residents. She then got a job working at GemsTV but was caught stealing gems to create amethyst studded bondage gear. She had no choice but to settle down and marry Frank. She had to get on with the many chores Frank expected her to do. She was ironing his shirts and he stumbled in. “Something about a lass doing housework gives me a chubby. Ugh go get the rope out,” muttered Frank. She felt nauseous and said to herself, this is the last time. She went through the sex toy drawer by the bed and pulled out the red rope. “No, not the red one you stupid slut, the beige one.” She left the room for a second and reappeared. “How about this?” She was holding the string of sausages meant for the footie later. They had not defrosted yet. “You kinky bitch.” Frank collapsed onto the bed. She got on top and she began to wrap the sausages around his neck and began to tighten them. “Oh yeah. Wank me off too!” he said while gasping for breath. She tightened it further…and further. Frank was struggling to breath. He started to shout the safe word. “Beetrootcolouredcunt! Beetrootcolouredcunt!” She kept going. Frank was gasping and struggling. His eyes started bulging out. He passed out and she kept on going.She needed to be sure he was dead. Finally Julie no longer felt his cheese and onion scented breath on her. A couple of hours later she phoned up his minions.“Frank, he’s dead!” Julie shrieked down the phone.“I was just out shopping at Pandora and I got back and he was lying there with his tongue sticking out!” “We’ll be over right away! We’ll find the bastard who did this!” Half an hour later, they all arrived smelling of paco rabanne. “You alright love?” Timmy Tyler, the second in command said as he gave her a wee pat on her bum. “Pop on the kettle will you?” He examined Frank’s lifeless body. “There’s marks around his neck.” He saw the ropes on the floor by the bed. Then looked back at Frank’s neck. “It wasn’t ropes, there’s no rope burn.” “I think it was that crazy bastard Thomas Totty who did this! He’s known for strangling people and uses his leather Versace belt. Does that look like a belt mark to you?” “Nah, the markings are weird. We need to find out what was used and that will tell us who did it. He had a lot of enemies, our Frank,” another one piped up. “I made you guys sausage rolls. Please tuck in.” she stuttered tearfully. They all each took a roll and lifted them in the air. “To Frank!” Timmy Tyler shouted. “To Frank!” they all responded. “You know the fucker who did this is probably right under our snouts,” Timmy Tyler said. “True. True.” They all nodded. Julie watched as they scoffed the sausage rolls and smiled to herself.